Sick in July
How does one get a cold in July? I managed to pick one up over the weekend in Waterloo. Perhaps the A/C where I was staying and a thin blanket just didn't cut it for my immune system and now I'm paying for it.
It wasn't so bad on Sunday. Monday it got a little worse, but I was able to make it through work, while blowing my nose like twice per hour. My garbage bin was full of tissue paper. Tuesday, I was a little bit drowsy. My sister even made me drive to the subway station 'cuz she wasn't feeling well either. I drove, while she slept. Kinda ironic since she gets upset at me for falling asleep in the car. But anyway, as I was working, I found myself spacing out a lot because of the drowsiness. I was feeling a little busy. So I asked my manager if it was ok if I went home for the rest of the day at lunch. She was like, "No, pack up and go home now!" So I was like, ok, made a couple phone calls to my mom and sister telling them of what's going on. Turns out my sister wasn't feeling so well either, but she was gonna leave her work in an hour, so I had my mom pick me up from the Kipling Station instead. Slept so much.
This morning, I woke up still feeling a little dizzy, but it seems to be better today. I still didn't go into work today though. I don't want to be spreading a summer cold to everyone around me and thought that a day at home would be much better to get some more rest and get drugged up.
It was an interesting weekend in Waterloo. Originally, I hadn't planned on staying the weekend because of a softball game on Saturday early afternoon. Since that game got rescheduled, it opened up my weekend. Headed up around 12noon-ish on Friday since I took the day off. Gave Clara a ride up, so she was good company. :)
Friday was the CCF Coffeehouse that they have annually during the summer term. It was alright. I felt bad for the performers though since they didn't get much attention. A lot of us were mingling with one another and not really paying attention to the performances. However, I thought the idea of the cafe was pretty cool, and a good way to raise funds for the Children's Wish Foundation. Kudos to that.
I think I had a lot on my mind during the weekend. I don't think I'll share details. Those close to me should already know. I know I wasn't myself this past weekend, and I apologize to those I hung out with and spoke with. I was pretty spaced out while I was up there, spent a lot of time, I guess staring. Or as some people would call it "having a look as if I wanted to kill someone." :S I guess it just wasn't a good weekend for me to be up there.
Over the last month, I guess, my patience has been really tested. I think it finally boiled over on Sunday night. For the first time in a real long time, I broke down. Not once, but twice. The thing that just shattered me was some of the things my parents had said on Sunday night. It literally broke my heart, I couldn't be strong anymore. I just couldn't believe that was what they thought of themselves. Failures? No way. Not in my mind. My parents are the best parents in the world (I'm sure that most people think that way of their own parents)! They've gone through a lot of trials and adversity to get us where we are today. And for them to take all that and say that they've failed in some aspect..I just couldn't take it, it's unacceptable! I tried to be strong at the dinner table, but I felt the flood of emotions coming. I had to leave the table. I lost it while doing my laundry in the laundry room, I had to close the door..compose myself.
After dinner was over, went upstairs. I didn't want to bother anyone, but I just needed to get it off my chest. So I messaged the one person I wanted to talk to, whom I could trust. As I was explaining, I just broke down again, this time more tears came out. I just totally lost control of my emotions. I would've hated for my parents to see me in such a weak state because I know that my mom would've been right there crying with me, and I hate to see any one of my parents crying. They don't deserve grief, they deserve the best, happiness, comfort. They deserve to be taken care of now instead of them taking care of their children. We're all adults now. We should be responsible and independent. I didn't know whether those tears were of sadness or anguish, but as hard as I tried to fight the tears back, they just continually overpowered me.
So, I had to get out of the house, and took a solo blade for a couple hours. I just needed to be alone. Just time to think, maybe reassess my life, spend some time in prayer with God. It was a beautiful evening, it wasn't hot, it was just perfect (if only the pavement was smooth, it would've been the perfect blade).
Later in the evening when I came back, and after a couple hours in front of the TV, I had another good chat with my good friend. I was able to unload a lot of things on my chest that evening, and I thank you for being a listening ear despite the fact that you had work to do. :)
Patience. I need more. In all aspects of my life.
God. I need You now more than ever.
Calm this storm within my family. Within me.
Casting Crowns
Who Am I?
Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.
Not because of who I am,
But because of what You've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who You are.
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean (ocean)
A vapor in the wind.
Still You hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling,
And You've told me who I am.
I am Yours.
I am Yours.
Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.
Who am I?
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.
Not because of who I am,
But because of what You've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who You are.
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean (ocean),
A vapor in the wind.
Still You hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling,
And You've told me who I am.
I am Yours.
Not because of who I am,
But because of what You've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who You are.
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean (ocean),
A vapor in the wind.
Still You hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling,
And You've told me who I am.
I am Yours.
I am Yours.
I am Yours.
Whom shall I fear?
Whom shall I fear?
'Cause I am Yours.
I am Yours.
It wasn't so bad on Sunday. Monday it got a little worse, but I was able to make it through work, while blowing my nose like twice per hour. My garbage bin was full of tissue paper. Tuesday, I was a little bit drowsy. My sister even made me drive to the subway station 'cuz she wasn't feeling well either. I drove, while she slept. Kinda ironic since she gets upset at me for falling asleep in the car. But anyway, as I was working, I found myself spacing out a lot because of the drowsiness. I was feeling a little busy. So I asked my manager if it was ok if I went home for the rest of the day at lunch. She was like, "No, pack up and go home now!" So I was like, ok, made a couple phone calls to my mom and sister telling them of what's going on. Turns out my sister wasn't feeling so well either, but she was gonna leave her work in an hour, so I had my mom pick me up from the Kipling Station instead. Slept so much.
This morning, I woke up still feeling a little dizzy, but it seems to be better today. I still didn't go into work today though. I don't want to be spreading a summer cold to everyone around me and thought that a day at home would be much better to get some more rest and get drugged up.
It was an interesting weekend in Waterloo. Originally, I hadn't planned on staying the weekend because of a softball game on Saturday early afternoon. Since that game got rescheduled, it opened up my weekend. Headed up around 12noon-ish on Friday since I took the day off. Gave Clara a ride up, so she was good company. :)
Friday was the CCF Coffeehouse that they have annually during the summer term. It was alright. I felt bad for the performers though since they didn't get much attention. A lot of us were mingling with one another and not really paying attention to the performances. However, I thought the idea of the cafe was pretty cool, and a good way to raise funds for the Children's Wish Foundation. Kudos to that.
I think I had a lot on my mind during the weekend. I don't think I'll share details. Those close to me should already know. I know I wasn't myself this past weekend, and I apologize to those I hung out with and spoke with. I was pretty spaced out while I was up there, spent a lot of time, I guess staring. Or as some people would call it "having a look as if I wanted to kill someone." :S I guess it just wasn't a good weekend for me to be up there.
Over the last month, I guess, my patience has been really tested. I think it finally boiled over on Sunday night. For the first time in a real long time, I broke down. Not once, but twice. The thing that just shattered me was some of the things my parents had said on Sunday night. It literally broke my heart, I couldn't be strong anymore. I just couldn't believe that was what they thought of themselves. Failures? No way. Not in my mind. My parents are the best parents in the world (I'm sure that most people think that way of their own parents)! They've gone through a lot of trials and adversity to get us where we are today. And for them to take all that and say that they've failed in some aspect..I just couldn't take it, it's unacceptable! I tried to be strong at the dinner table, but I felt the flood of emotions coming. I had to leave the table. I lost it while doing my laundry in the laundry room, I had to close the door..compose myself.
After dinner was over, went upstairs. I didn't want to bother anyone, but I just needed to get it off my chest. So I messaged the one person I wanted to talk to, whom I could trust. As I was explaining, I just broke down again, this time more tears came out. I just totally lost control of my emotions. I would've hated for my parents to see me in such a weak state because I know that my mom would've been right there crying with me, and I hate to see any one of my parents crying. They don't deserve grief, they deserve the best, happiness, comfort. They deserve to be taken care of now instead of them taking care of their children. We're all adults now. We should be responsible and independent. I didn't know whether those tears were of sadness or anguish, but as hard as I tried to fight the tears back, they just continually overpowered me.
So, I had to get out of the house, and took a solo blade for a couple hours. I just needed to be alone. Just time to think, maybe reassess my life, spend some time in prayer with God. It was a beautiful evening, it wasn't hot, it was just perfect (if only the pavement was smooth, it would've been the perfect blade).
Later in the evening when I came back, and after a couple hours in front of the TV, I had another good chat with my good friend. I was able to unload a lot of things on my chest that evening, and I thank you for being a listening ear despite the fact that you had work to do. :)
Patience. I need more. In all aspects of my life.
God. I need You now more than ever.
Calm this storm within my family. Within me.
Casting Crowns
Who Am I?
Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.
Not because of who I am,
But because of what You've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who You are.
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean (ocean)
A vapor in the wind.
Still You hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling,
And You've told me who I am.
I am Yours.
I am Yours.
Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.
Who am I?
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.
Not because of who I am,
But because of what You've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who You are.
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean (ocean),
A vapor in the wind.
Still You hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling,
And You've told me who I am.
I am Yours.
Not because of who I am,
But because of what You've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who You are.
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean (ocean),
A vapor in the wind.
Still You hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling,
And You've told me who I am.
I am Yours.
I am Yours.
I am Yours.
Whom shall I fear?
Whom shall I fear?
'Cause I am Yours.
I am Yours.
spun by b at 2:31 p.m.
1 Web Spinners:
hello. howz life?
keep blogging so we can be updated to pray for you and your family. call out for help if you think you need it, it is not a sign of weakness but rather a sign of faith, trust, and reliance in those God has placed around you.
later
JT
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